why tony saputo can never become a theorem

there are times i know i could be better
instances i let the logic slip
but i know
there is something
worth having
that is waiting
for me

test the formula
again and again
you know before you begin
right where you finsh
variables to me
a poet’s slur
never perfect

i truly believe we are not afraid of so much, but hold steady the fear of nothing to come…
if i prayed it would be for you… all of you

the whisky doesn’t work

the whisky doesn’t work anymore
soaking the saddle of slapping salutations
across the peanutbrittle cheeks of love
chafed crotch
wet running in clouds of illhumor
dragging feet in sloshedshit jeans
weighing me down in the mud of nature
)excrement of the minds(
throat dry with soreness
from habitually yelling my remorse
these pills don’t taste like sugar anymore
these pills rot yer toofs
make yer liver hurt
-back breaks everyday
only to be forgotten
lost in the pile of shit
in the bottom of a batcave-
brain slips on pavement causing litigation
courtroom slapstick gentrification
of a formerly pleasant situation
rainbows die here:
put out to pasture
like old bulls who need that bullet in their brain.

1000 pills per second

closest one
you varied in mescaline and tabs
clammy awake and still asleep
the world passing us all on
the windows tell us your tales
technology commands us to forget
everything and anything about whatever good could come from this

if i could see a savior in all this
you would call it a mirror
i give too much
for it to really matter anyways
the three hour waking sessions
waning the pricks of last nights arm
drugsloth
drugsloathe
how far away is the end
it feels like we will never get there anyhow…

rest assured…

…this really was not what i was planning on
the delicacies of my every existing moment
over flowing with the tenderness to give devils tears kissing the callousness to defy angels
i am not a part or a piece
for they live to a larger structure and function for another
the machines
the system melodics
the orchestration of harmonies and leads
togetherness
collectively leave me to create
a pecking order for all my loves and her affairs…
on the street they told me,” pimping ain’t easy.”
au contraire, just and logical
all we really want is to be shaken to the core, anyways

tomorrow

damp voices fading under leaves
softly chasing smiles across the streets
teeth gnashing
pulling former fears back into the forefront of reality
octoberoctoberoctober
backbreaking mindlessness
throating
a wish for 1999
weed smoking
and some chicken soup

today

cold metal and these taste buds meet in agreement
and the anticipation is really what kills you
i cannot wait to end this
or go back another twenty four hours
sometimes all you need is a different pair of hands to cradle your head

days bleed into one another

days bleed into one another
one and another bleed onto each other
blood is not a bond worth breathing
breathing is worth the risk of drinking
drinking and bleeding is worth the risk of deceiving
isn’t it?
is
not
it feeling
back peeling
sun drunk with mouth full of tater tots
wasted your potential
wasted your breathing on burrito and beer
failing like muppets at football
flailing the arms
up in the air
yelling out
yelling out
“you don’t want to die alone”
how sad
that we
rely
on such things as
human contact
plaza frontenac
courtside dilettantes
vomiting racism
shitting kenyans
ejaculating eritreans
fucking south afrikaans
breathing americaan
days bleed the bees and the beast bleeds the beats
we no longer expect what we think is good
the bad is prescribed when we are born
shoved down our throats with a helpful dose of bad tee vee
and sugar water mixed with caffeine and other helpful stimulants
to make you shit redwhiteandblue
breathing is worth the risk of drinking
gin and tonic
with lime
with smile
knowing i haven’t given in
the skin flakes off
the greys more prominent
AND THE LIES ARE LOUDER
deafening our hearts in summer heats
the beats bruise our feet
only bringing us back to to the beginning
(thereisnoescapingthisonslaughtofstupidity)
hold my hand, honey
our blood is a bond for deceiving.

for my friends… essence and being

the question of our families and our pasts are brought to light
the corridor gleams a sour aura of a pungent tone
and not enough whiskey will wash away all the things i have seen
or will forget myself and where we come from

it is the essence of these years that we hold our futures
as careless as we kill the insects we live among
or as precious as the newborn, sinking into our hearts and minds forever
it is no longer what we did, who we are, but who we will be

twenty seven years is only long enough to see how much i do not know
but rest assured i can confirm we are afraid
we are sold as cattle to a slaughterhouse weakened by consuming false goods to build adequacy to superficial social needs
we are lied to and in such, we believe we are special

more than ever i realize, “we are shit.”
you would have to thank the questionmarks for an answer such as that
but particles vibrate and remain amongst our energy, our live being
which in turn, becomes what little time we have left

so be it love, life, dreams, and failures
this is your world, the opus of our stories and glamor
a self-edifying reaction, the marble of our existences
lies still and waiting in our hands

i stole the world from a woman who deserved the universe, but saved her from myself
in this reflection, i am more of her than anyone i have ever met or known
this is not sorrow, regret, remorse, or proposal.
just the admission of how much good a person can really do

if you do not know me; it is because i do not want to be known
if i do not talk; it is because it is nothing worth speaking of
if i remain unseen; it is because i deem it so
and if you forget my name, my face, and these words; it is because you never listened

i have been told i take life too seriously
but i have a day waiting when i will decide this
neither gods nor devils will judge me
for they both know me well

to the melody which opens my veins and pours itself in
to each proof i can conjure and theroms i rest inside my soul
to every word i write explaining this reality
and to every smile any has ever given me; this is my thanks

i do not love this world, nor the masses that contaminate it
i remain sure and promised
that just like a balloon soaring to the heavens
losing all the dead weight is the first step

forget me, forget my name, my face, these words
do not trace in my steps
these are the years in our essence
that are just blocks in the path of a deathbed

do not fool yourself, experience good souls
love those who love, while discerning between the actions and words
this is the beginnings of our first last steps…
everything from here to there is ours

over-hooked

let out that sigh
accept it is not what we dreamed
because it is worth so much more

please realize me
all i ever wanted
was the iris that could never ask for anything else

….only bride to turpentine

she built her birth
through triumphant passages
quenching
a thirst
hymen
soulable to quit the hit
fake the remorse
package the surrender
fer everyone to sea
and the wind pushes
her craft
to places
destroyed
by male-inertia
her voice
mugged by forgotten
tones
boned
in positions
caligula would
slit
his cock
for
she branched her trees
cupped her breasts
and let it out
fleecing the humanity beneath her
mighty sight
setting the sun
raising the moon
to red colors unbeknownst
to human eyyyye
her fingers slit the sand
and her toes graze
the pastures of deaded afrika
souling
and feeding wine-grapes
to hard-armed messengers
from the caucuses
they inturn
forcefuckherfeet
into twine
and pose
her nude
yarnnnned
flesh
for her
husbands to see.
she was the curse
she was the….