Haiku for Nico

This new nothingness
Filibusters soft voices
Releasing my growl

fit me out

forthright, it is the callous worn around our very hearts that wear me down
the selfish calypso collapsing on the rhythm and beats of the bourgeoisie
the liquor dripping from the teeth of the fake smiles
the absorbency of a self righteous demeanor
the want of it all

laugh away your cares
dilute your Julius disasters
consume yourselves away
away from me

we are all fitting in, making plans, setting it all up
but damn it to hell, i sure like being the missing piece

love notes

in every word i lost more
shaved off a bit of the ol’ soul
delivered it to you in the rotten paper box
told you of my love and swallowed my pride
held you up to a light and saw no imperfections
defined you as perfect and used you as the looking glass
measured and weighed the world through your beauty
destroyed myself through your hijinks
shook down, scared, along with the glorious wonder
questioned every sentence
analyzed every moment
left empty handed where love used to be
noted you as oblivious
noted you as wanted
noted myself as the shortcoming
noted.

every time i look out the window, she tells me something different

on the dawn of the greyest morning
i awake, despite falling asleep less than an hour ago
an eye stares into this glass wall
knowing me, telling me of all the words and time i have lost
this is where i have been for the past two years

the darkest greyest mourning,
saluting to me, narrating all of my failures and lack of progress
a bottom falling out but never colliding
sending me on, flailing to never attach myself
keeps me knowing i will perish on my own

there is a collapse i missed out on
my dreams are not ones to share
and my hopes all prove to be the same
my own existence is my greatest affliction
a dialect of a language no one will ever even dare to mutter

in the world of selfishness
trivial identities
indecent glorification
narcissism
and intolerance for those (us) who try to overcome it:::::::::::::::::::
love will surely die

i sware’ dat bit be haff ful

conquest for every sad fuck up i could endure
calamity stomachs the void in my kidneys and gut
fill it up with an empty drink, empty acquaintance, empty love
and store it for the jester’s revenge

speak and spill evil all over the floor
do not look behind you
congratulations  to the  all the bile stored
creating the failure of our deviants

and with the red wine to remind me
we show our hearts and laugh till we cry
for we have the similar interests of nothingness
and the same lonely holiday of empty lives and no one sharing

empty drink
empty friend
empty love
another empty day

why tony saputo can never become a theorem

there are times i know i could be better
instances i let the logic slip
but i know
there is something
worth having
that is waiting
for me

test the formula
again and again
you know before you begin
right where you finsh
variables to me
a poet’s slur
never perfect

i truly believe we are not afraid of so much, but hold steady the fear of nothing to come…
if i prayed it would be for you… all of you

1000 pills per second

closest one
you varied in mescaline and tabs
clammy awake and still asleep
the world passing us all on
the windows tell us your tales
technology commands us to forget
everything and anything about whatever good could come from this

if i could see a savior in all this
you would call it a mirror
i give too much
for it to really matter anyways
the three hour waking sessions
waning the pricks of last nights arm
drugsloth
drugsloathe
how far away is the end
it feels like we will never get there anyhow…

for my friends… essence and being

the question of our families and our pasts are brought to light
the corridor gleams a sour aura of a pungent tone
and not enough whiskey will wash away all the things i have seen
or will forget myself and where we come from

it is the essence of these years that we hold our futures
as careless as we kill the insects we live among
or as precious as the newborn, sinking into our hearts and minds forever
it is no longer what we did, who we are, but who we will be

twenty seven years is only long enough to see how much i do not know
but rest assured i can confirm we are afraid
we are sold as cattle to a slaughterhouse weakened by consuming false goods to build adequacy to superficial social needs
we are lied to and in such, we believe we are special

more than ever i realize, “we are shit.”
you would have to thank the questionmarks for an answer such as that
but particles vibrate and remain amongst our energy, our live being
which in turn, becomes what little time we have left

so be it love, life, dreams, and failures
this is your world, the opus of our stories and glamor
a self-edifying reaction, the marble of our existences
lies still and waiting in our hands

i stole the world from a woman who deserved the universe, but saved her from myself
in this reflection, i am more of her than anyone i have ever met or known
this is not sorrow, regret, remorse, or proposal.
just the admission of how much good a person can really do

if you do not know me; it is because i do not want to be known
if i do not talk; it is because it is nothing worth speaking of
if i remain unseen; it is because i deem it so
and if you forget my name, my face, and these words; it is because you never listened

i have been told i take life too seriously
but i have a day waiting when i will decide this
neither gods nor devils will judge me
for they both know me well

to the melody which opens my veins and pours itself in
to each proof i can conjure and theroms i rest inside my soul
to every word i write explaining this reality
and to every smile any has ever given me; this is my thanks

i do not love this world, nor the masses that contaminate it
i remain sure and promised
that just like a balloon soaring to the heavens
losing all the dead weight is the first step

forget me, forget my name, my face, these words
do not trace in my steps
these are the years in our essence
that are just blocks in the path of a deathbed

do not fool yourself, experience good souls
love those who love, while discerning between the actions and words
this is the beginnings of our first last steps…
everything from here to there is ours

pulling

safe-havened, taken away from the chaos
so simple to use these the windows as cloudy spectacles
peering upon the world and my city
as the holistic tumultuous home of evil

what is good and what is her opposite?
where do i belong inside the intercourse of the two?
who is giving or receiving?
who am i, really?

there are times when our vision is obscured
lost inside our own tumults
propositioned between the two whores of consciousness
living as a parasite, burrowing, taking all it can and will

therefore, who am i, really?
the salt of the earth lost inside a world?
a perception that chases tales and adventures?
a hopeless hopeful or the small town drunkard?

if the days are numbered, i could start pulling tabs
just give me the right night to set the world ablaze before i go
allowing me to look back and know
who all my loves really were…

time is a funny thing when she loves to slip away
what a bitch…

i hit on a broad for 2 hours and watch her make out with a dude with more gel in his hair than the ocean has salt…

in the clipse of the sunlight i saw you there
kissing another waste, leaving me on the side…
a good time is becoming synominous with a “good friend”
and i know the difference

do not lie
you know you are just like the others
praise the temporary
holding the fortitude of your so-called individuality

i cannot wait to set the fire that will burn it all behind me
as destructed graves search my name
i swear,
you will never see me again…