Archive for the guilt in the serenity Category

love notes

Posted in does anyone even know what love is?, exploding heart, glory in the overlooked, guilt in the serenity, heartbreak on February 15, 2010 by tony saputo

in every word i lost more
shaved off a bit of the ol’ soul
delivered it to you in the rotten paper box
told you of my love and swallowed my pride
held you up to a light and saw no imperfections
defined you as perfect and used you as the looking glass
measured and weighed the world through your beauty
destroyed myself through your hijinks
shook down, scared, along with the glorious wonder
questioned every sentence
analyzed every moment
left empty handed where love used to be
noted you as oblivious
noted you as wanted
noted myself as the shortcoming
noted.

life first, everything after

Posted in guilt in the serenity, heartbreak, is it really real? on February 1, 2010 by tony saputo

it is all the worse things that keep us beating
the wonderful marches and gallant tries
the corrosion of our substance and the over looking of all we could live for

the long good byes
all there was when it started was life
ever since, i have been trying to fight past everything else

it is in all of our funny indulgences where lose what it is that we really love.

1000 pills per second

Posted in exploding heart, guilt in the serenity on November 2, 2009 by tony saputo

closest one
you varied in mescaline and tabs
clammy awake and still asleep
the world passing us all on
the windows tell us your tales
technology commands us to forget
everything and anything about whatever good could come from this

if i could see a savior in all this
you would call it a mirror
i give too much
for it to really matter anyways
the three hour waking sessions
waning the pricks of last nights arm
drugsloth
drugsloathe
how far away is the end
it feels like we will never get there anyhow…

over-hooked

Posted in guilt in the serenity, heartbreak, paranoia, this living is less than loving, what the hell is wrong with me? on August 26, 2009 by tony saputo

let out that sigh
accept it is not what we dreamed
because it is worth so much more

please realize me
all i ever wanted
was the iris that could never ask for anything else

the minute hands do not move

Posted in guilt in the serenity, is it really real?, lost in these purposes and collecting ours, Uncategorized on August 10, 2009 by tony saputo

sickened to the stomach
raw to the core
anticipating everything that will come my way
trying to forget everything that left me behind
i went to hell last night
besides the clocks, it was all pretty much the same here

your move…

Posted in foreshadowing, glory in the overlooked, guilt in the serenity on July 23, 2009 by tony saputo

renew each and every instance
you will still come up not listening
varied are the ways we create and destroy
oursleves
purposes
actions and words

you should have told it all from the beginning
that we are all wounds trying to heal
that you are just as lost as i am
fevered
weak
dying alone

sheltered in safety for too long
to be spoiled in the rays
leaves the notion to detach so romantic
confused
aggravating
bitter and proud

rest along and read aloud
forget what you were and where you came from
you are only what is and will be
afraid
tricked
selfish and denying

everything is where it needs to be
no matter how much we move the pieces
the game will always be the same… 
somber
cold
evil and manipulative

this city really is sinking…

Posted in foreshadowing, glory in the overlooked, guilt in the serenity, paranoia on May 31, 2009 by tony saputo

as the day grows more and more distant i cannnot help but confront these small insignificant thoughts and accept them:

the fucker who can prove me right again and again
the woman who wanted my mouth and heart to stay shut
the unreachable person who understands love through and through
the times of waste that i cannot help but love
the vision of summer snow, reminding me what it used to mean just a year ago
the fleeting of friends, the sustain of family
knowing blood does not really matter
being loved
loving those who deserve it
remembering the lists made in grass drunk on 2 bottles of wine
feeling completely confident that there is no turning back
the saltwater burning my open wounds
the punches that landed
the 4 year old child i let go away
the 4 year old child i will protect with everything i have
the knowing and reverence of the disconnect
proud to not be like you
hating you for not being like me
hating you for the wallowing of ignorance, greed, irresponsibility, sloppy drunkenness, malice, shit-thin pride just to lean into playing the martyr.
the fools of this city
and the large iridescent mouth that moves them all around

i am proud to never know you again
and this beat, this tracking path
is not for you

we are simply not the same
and as much of a dick i may be
everything i have said is very real.

i just have to accept how much better i have become
better than most
but not good enough quite yet.

give me every challenge
i am scared of nothing and am ready to be the most dangerous person you have ever known…